Okay, here they are. Everything you need to know about this year before it happens. Throw your money down now and become rich.
Let's start with the morbid.
These people will die:
Lindsay Lohan - Drug Overdose
Britney Spears - Drug related car accident
Sidney Poitier - From being freaking old
Jimmy Carter - Nail gun accident
Major News Stories:
The Christian right will get even wackier and encourage in a very public way the absolute removal of their children from public schools.
Texas will become the center of an evolution/creationism scandal driven by the appointed head of the school board. A creationist.
The Obama/Clinton ticket will get the major press, but the bat-shit insane Huckabee/Romney republican duo will win. America will implode in a black hole of the worst examples of our culture excess and ignorances. Meanwhile a brain-drain mass exodus will make suddenly make Canada and Mexico the most advanced scientific nations on Earth.
It will be revealed that the Bush administrations stepped so far outside the bounds of the constitution and human decency as to have committed domestic crimes that would have offended Nixon. Every single American citizen will ignore stunning revelation after revelation in favor of voting for an androgynous and talent free American Idol singer.
Rhino and Black-lipped pika will go extinct
People will finally get sick of Rush Limbaugh's idiocy (long shot).